Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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