Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
