it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
