I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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