physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Randomize
