dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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