highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize