So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize