my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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