doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
