Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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