Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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