You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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