God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
