So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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