Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
