I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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