we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
