Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize