I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
3pm strippers are depressing
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
