We're facebook friends in real life
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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