Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
