Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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