I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
