On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
