the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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