i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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