I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
