Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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