Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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