smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
