Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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