why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
