is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
