Its about making memories worth repressing
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
