when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
