never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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