Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
