at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
