WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
