i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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