Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
