Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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