forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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