I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
time to smoke my breakfast
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
