I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
