He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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