in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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