Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
