Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
