is your mom at the bar?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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