He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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