I am puke
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
