I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
