This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
