Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
