i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize