Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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