are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She announced her abortion via fbk
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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