I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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