I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
