Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
