College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
