The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
