The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
