I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
