Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
He has the fingertips of a God
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
