my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
