Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
