So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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