TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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