i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
God, I missed his penis.
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