4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
