You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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