I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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